Friday, February 6, 2009

What Would a Southern Belle Do? Advice for Michael Phelps

Poor thing.

You already have an ungainly body and an under bite. And now to make matters worse, you've gone and gotten yerself in REAL trouble.

14 some odd gold medals notwithstanding, Michael Phelps is experiencing the worst Southern catastrophe known to man. Worse than being ratted out as a cheater at church when you're the pastor. Worse than being snubbed by your neighbor Evelyn and sitting home while everyone else heads to the country club for the wedding of the millennium. Worse, even, than showing up to your Deb Ball in the SAME GOWN as another Deb.

Michael Phelps is experiencing what we call "a fall from grace." His pedestal was so gosh darn high that this was inevitable. (I mean, he warmed us up with a DUI for crying out loud.)

And we ladies of the South know a thing or two about pedestals. And that means we know even more about falling off of em.

So here is some good advice for Michael, and anyone else who's taken a tumble recently.

WWSBD? What Would a Southern Belle Do....?

1. Save face.
Honey, you can't hide it so it better look good. Get yer hair did. Get yer nails done. Michael might benefit from sporting as much official Olympic clothing as possible, but you don't want to overdo it either. Regardless, dazzle 'em with your pearly whites and make sure you're wearing clean underwear.

Every Southern woman knows that the external appearance is armor, plain and simple.

2. Circle the wagons and have a pow wow.
Get together with the folks who know you best and aren't afraid to tell it like it is. You need real advice from people who have to be seen with you regardless of how bad the scandal is. They usually share your last name.

3. Kick back.
Maybe in this case Michael should refrain from "kicking back" in his customary style (note to self: put the bong DOWN), but in general it doesn't hurt to let your hair down. But do it discreetly. This is NOT the time for a rager or night on the town.

4. Apologize.
If you let people down, then own up to it. Even if it's in a lovely hand written note, admitting you were wrong can go a long way, and may even maintain your endorsement deals.

Next time you find yourself in a public scandal, just think WWSBD?


Rebel Deb

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