Sunday, November 30, 2008

things you'll never hear a true redneck say:

We don’t keep firearms in this house.

Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

You can’t feed that to the dog. I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.

Wrasslin’s fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We’re vegetarians.

Do you think my hair is too big?

I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

Who’s Richard Petty?

Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.

I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

The tires on that truck are too big.

I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

I don’t have a favorite college team.

I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

Elvis who?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Ten Reasons Why He Won't Commit...

...I'll bet Rhett never had this problem...

1) He's Not Over His Ex
Well, of course he says he's completely over his ex. There's even a chance he believed it himself too – and that it took getting involved with another woman for him to realize he wasn't. While it's difficult to admit to yourself – and to each other – that you could be his rebound girl, it's best to discover the truth as early as possible. Look for signs of his lingering feelings – especially if an unusually short amount of time has passed between that relationship and yours. The number one sign: a fridge-mounted or framed photo of his ex that has yet to make it to the back of the drawer.

2) He Had a Bad Experience with his Ex
If he's still bearing the scars from a bad breakup, chances are that he's not ready to leap into another one. Depending on how badly that relationship ended, it could take him some time to realize that you're not going to cause the same damage. Right now, he may be looking for signs that it's all going to go to hell in a handbasket – and, of course, the more he looks, the more he'll find. It'll take a fair degree of patience on your side to get beyond this.

3) There's Someone Else in the Picture
If you've not officially declared yourselves "exclusive" or if your boyfriend has a history as a double-dater, he could be sidetracked by other opportunities. Some men like to keep their options up in the air for as long as possible before making a decision, and unfortunately, you could be the unwitting victim. Watch out for the obvious signs – mysterious schedules, dubious stories, regular periods when he is incommunicado – and if you're still concerned, ask him straight out.

4) He's Totally Happy with His Life
Despite dipping their toes into the dating pool, some men actually don't want a girlfriend. Sure, he may enjoy the companionship and those other relationship benefits, but only as an adjunct to the rest of his life. If his priorities are his friends, his hobbies or even his basic "me" time, he's only going to have a little extra room for the joy and wonder of you ? which is fair enough, unless you're wanting a more central position in your partner's life. If you do, you may have to look elsewhere.

5) It's All About the Money
Money can be an issue in many relationships, but it can also stop a man from committing to a relationship in the first place. Maybe his focus is on work and he wants to become more established and earn a decent wage ? maybe own his own home too ? before channeling his energy and time into a relationship. Or perhaps he's seen firsthand how a divorce can destroy a man's financial standing, and he's just not ready to take that risk. In the first case, he'll need to know that you understand his ambitions and that you won't get in the way; in the second, offering a prenuptial agreement (while it may not sound romantic) could put his mind at rest.

6) He's a Romance Junkie
Some men are addicted to the process or even just the idea of falling in love. They love the flirting, the first dates, the getting-to-know-you stage and the chance to tell all their stories to fresh ears. Once they have passed this stage, however, they're bored and ready for the next bit of excitement. Again, check out his relationship history to see if your man is a romance junkie; look out for a number of one- and two-month relationships.

7) He's Feeling Pushed
Sometimes even willing partners can feel so pressured into being in a relationship that they'll run away. Men – and women too ? generally need a little time to figure out if a certain person is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, and they don't like to feel that they're being coerced into making a decision. So while it's important that he knows how you feel, don't discuss your first home together or your favorite baby names until you've had the time to genuinely establish a relationship.

8) He's Not Ready for the Responsibility
Along with powerful love come great responsibilities, but not every would-be romantic is quite ready for them. So while he may be thoroughly enjoying your time together, perhaps he's not at a point in his life where he wants to truly consider someone else's point of view. He likes you, but he's not ready to mop your brow when you're sick or comfort you when you lose a pet, preferring an easy-breezy – and yes, selfish – lifestyle instead. And if your biological clock is ticking, he might not want to be around when the alarm goes off. Or, if you already have kids, he may not be ready for the whole family package.

9) He Only Wants Sex
Who would believe it? Some men want to be in a relationship simply so they have easy access to sex. For these men, the old saying rings true: Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Why should they commit to a deeper, longer-term relationship if all they're after is what they're already getting?

10) You're Just Not that One
We all know of the "he's just not that into you" syndrome, but why would he even bother if he weren't? Simply because it's easy, it's there and it's available. You are an enjoyable part of his life – but regrettably, a not-too-important part. He knows you're not "the one," but he kind of likes hanging out and, to put it bluntly, you'll do until something better comes along. He may not even be conscious of how callous that is; instead, he is just mildly aware of an underlying feeling that this is not forever.

So, consider whether any of these may be a reason for his lack of commitment. If you're looking for something more permanent, it's your move.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Celebrate Your Inner Redneck, Part II: Happy Black Friday! (time for a new dishwasher...)

The Redneck Sheep Joke

Billy Bob and Jim Bob were driving down a country lane when they came upon a sheep with it’s head caught in a fence.

Billy Bob immediately pulled over, and they both got out.

Billy Bob walked up behind the sheep, and undid his belt and dropped his pants, and went to town on the sheep.

When he was done, he said to Jim Bob, “Yer Next”.

Immediately, Jim Bob dropped his drawers, bent over, and stuck his head in the fence!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Celebrate Your Inner Redneck, Part I: Happy Thanksgiving!

Redneck Nobel Prize Award

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a redneck farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”

The redneck replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”

Rebel Deb

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

howdy, betches.

Welcome to my Confessions...

This will be the official blog of my book, "Confessions of a Rebel Debutante," and upcoming Rebel Deb Diary, hitting all of your email Inboxes soon.

Check back here for more Rebel Deb humor, anecdotes, recipies, lists of the day and advice on the Rebel Deb's way to date, diet, "do it," and much more...

So, get ready, my fellow hot betches!

It's gonna be a truly Rebel Deb ride...

Rebel Deb