Saturday, August 29, 2009

Birthday Par-TAAAAAY!

Tonight is my belated birthday extravaganza, betches!

I can't wait. I'm having lunch with Katie from the PR department at Penguin today. Then, I'm picking up my birthday cake -- chocolate devil's food with chocolate buttercream icing -- tonight at 7pm.

Between then, I think the man and I will go for a run... if it ever stops raining in Manhattan, that is. Wouldn't you know it, the weekend I come to visit, we're hit by a tropical storm!

Rain, rain, go away -- come again to somebody ELSE'S birthday!!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Hey, You! Stop Fighting With Your Sister!

Me giving Princess Vespa a stern "talking-to" this morning after I found more bite marks on Butters ears...

What's a cat-mommy to do??


Rebel Deb

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My Cats Hate Me.

My new kittens hate me. They must, I believe, to ruin my quiet time like they do.

Their usual routine is to spend all night -- every night -- fighting with each other. I try and work around their constant mewling and bawling. I step over them as they bite and claw at each others' necks. I am awoken to the sound of the pair of them rolling down the hallway, melded together like some gigantic kitty bowling ball. And my bedroom door? Their pins. They crash into it every hour on the hour... all. Night. Long.

And then, after they've torn each other apart into shreds of tired kitty flesh... they do this:


Rebel Deb

Monday, August 24, 2009

Pet Wars, Part I

Ever since Butters and Princess Vespa (yay! I finally decided on their names!) moved into my pad, my poor dog, Jax, has been paying the consequences.

What should I do? Keep the sequestered in separate rooms? Have a doggie "time-out" and a kitty "time-out" chair? I've heard cats usually take leadership role when cohabiting with dogs... I never thought my two-month old kittens would be kicking my two-year old dog's ass.

Ah, a pet-Mommy's work is never done...


Rebel Deb

Sunday, August 23, 2009

What Shall I Name My Pussies?

I've recently adopted to new kittens from the pound...

And I'm now searching for names. I've always been a "dog person," you know? Someone who enjoys the friendly, interactive, clingy nature of puppies. Someone who loves having a mute, stick-chewing, ball-catching buddy around. But since my new apartment doesn't allow dogs, I had to settled for cats... and I must say, these two are turning out to be my new best friends.

But what to call them? My list so far:

1) Butters and Princess Vespa (from "South Park" and "Spaceballs," of course)
2) Bubbles and Spot
3) Hairy and Snatch
4) Lord Takealeak and Lady Grabbermuffin
5) Karl and Marx
6) Siegfried and Roy, or...
7) Criss Angel and Mindfreak

What to choose? What to choooooose?


Rebel Deb

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Behold! The Power of Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Dumber Dolls

Meatwad: "Frylock, where are the pills?"

"Pills! What do you need pills for?"

Meatwad: "Well Happy Time Harry needs 'em. He says that the pills make the phone calls go away."

Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Dumber Dolls

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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

My Near-Death Experiences

Time and time again, I seem to almost fall victim to disaster. To almost die. To nearly get flattened by a big, fat rock like Wiley Coyote.

Take for example, how I woke up one winter morning a few months ago prepared to fly from Laguardia to Raleigh, NC, without any problems. Unfortunately, about fifteen minutes after I awoke, I got an emergency call from US Airways. They'd cancelled my flight. Due to "weather."

Yeah, right. When I finally get to Laguardia, I'm rerouted to Charlotte. I have two options for flights: One leaving rightthisminute and one leaving in about an hour. Having just waited the whole morning for my rerouted flight, I take the one leaving rightthisminute.

So, I push through security, run to my gate and just make the flight to Charlotte. Two hours laters and I'm safe and sound in the South...

Only guess what's playing in a nonstop loop on every TV screen nationwide?

A US Airways plane. From Laguardia. To Charlotte. That left, oh, about an hour after the flight that I just made by the skin of my teeth and which was now sitting in the Hudson River.

A few months later, Justin and I are traveling again. We catch a flight from Laguardia to Chicago, only just narrowly avoiding some crazy homeless guy showing up at our exact same gate with a bomb strapped to his chest!

Folks were evacuated and trapped outside Laguardia for HOURS after the guy was arrested. Had we gotten caught up in that mess, we never would've made it to the "Heil Hitler" wedding (see previous post). What a drag!

And it only gets worse -- this time, with boats instead of planes.

Justin planned a romantic surprise for me last weekend to celebrate my upcoming birthday. First, he orders me to dress up (which I happily do!). Then, we hop into a cab and he hands the driver instructions so I can't figure out where we're going (cool, huh?). Then, about twenty minutes later, we arrive (ta da!) at Pier 81, where a HUGE cruise ship is waiting to whisk us around Manhattan.

We have a wonderful night of dinner, dancing and staring up at the Statue of Liberty passing by. I'm elated -- on top of the world -- and I feel like I have the best boyfriend ever. We make it home after more than too many espresso martinis, fall into bed to sleep it all off...

And awake the next morning to find that we were thisclose to a helicopter falling on our heads!

What the hell, people?! Who faces down death/dismemberment this often? I feel like a cat with nine lives who's only got about six left.


Rebel Deb

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Southern Hick Goes to Chi-Town

Last weekend, I flew to Chicago for a real down-home Yankee wedding.

On Friday, after 7 hours of flying/waiting/freaking-the-f*ck-out (thanks, Delta Airlines! You rock!), I finally made it O'Hare airport. Then I spent another hour packed into the back of a tiny Honda Accord driving to Naperville, IL.

Surprisingly, the streets of Naperville looked just like those of any town in rural South Carolina -- only with black dirt lining the pavement instead of red clay. Oh, and there were all sorts of "Real Housewives of New Jersey"-looking half-built mansions sitting around in various states of decay because the rich bitches who bought them ran out of money and left them there to rot.


On Saturday, I headed down to the local Presbyterian church, where a huge congregation was assembled for the wedding. It wasn't surprising that, since the bride and groom are religious, that their ceremony would be, too. It was, however, a bit weird when the whole audience was asked to "lift their hands for the usual blessing of the church."

Don't get me wrong -- blessings are great. But this particular blessing involved a particularly strange hand gesture...

No joke, folks. Right there in the middle of being married, the happy couple was "blessed" by a crowd raising its hands in collective "salute" to their

That, or either I'd mistaken a Nazi rally for a wedding.


On Sunday, I headed over to do some sight-seeing at Navy Pier. It was a fun-filled day of beer, mango daiquiris, pina coladas, crab cake sandwiches and more beer. Oh, and some creepy guy playing with marionettes.

After that and a pound of beer-boiled hot dogs, I took a couple rides on the Ferris Wheel and felt like a true Yankee, born and bred... well, minus the annoying nasal-y accent and pushy personality, that is.


Rebel Deb