Sunday, January 31, 2010

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Friday, January 29, 2010

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Britney!

I don't know why. I think I just love the crazies. But hey -- remember back in 2001, when she was hot?

Yeah... good memories. *sigh*

Rebel Deb

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Say YES! (to Muscle Relaxers)

I threw out my back this morning. So, I've basically been lying around since 9:30am watching my favorite wedding shows (Bridezillas, Cake Boss, Say Yes to Dress... among others...), eating cheese sandwiches and working away on my laptop, as usual. i tried to get up around 4pm. It basically went a little like this:

SO, yeah. Enough said. Back to the couch I go, to snuggle up with my new best friends: Mr. Heating Pad 2010 Delux... and his sidekick, Diazepam.

Rebel Deb

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Smokin' Hypnosis

My Momma's getting hypnotized next Friday by an "Anti-Smoking Specialist." It's taken me years to convince her, but this particular doctor comes very highly recommended. Apparently, he's helped three other people quit smoking. So, here's hoping it works!

*I've got literally everything on my body crossed that it does*

Rebel Deb

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Rebel Deb Photo Shoot, Part I

Yesterday was my first ever "celebrity" photo shoot for Marie Claire magazine, and I had a ball!

My photographer, Margo Silver, and her assistant, Nick Haney, made me feel so beautiful, comfortable and appreciated -- even shivering through 50-degree weather in a sheer, designer dress, or teetering around cobblestoned Old Salem village in 8-inch Fendi heels! They were so talented, so professional -- such a great overall team. As my Daddy would say, I was blown away... right out of my fur-lined underdrawers. :)

We shot all over the place -- Krankies Coffee, Old Salem, the sign out front of Salem Academy. We pretty much covered the entirety of my pre-teen years. Too bad it was freezing outside -- but Margo and Nick made the most of it. :)

Anyways, pics to come soon -- my full-length article ("DEBUTANTE DIET") and pics will hit stands on March 10th! Till then, here are some shots Margo took of Mary-Kate Olsen. Too bad I don't look nearly as pretty as most of Margo's celeb subjects... but no doubt she and Nick will work their magic in the editing suite, too. :)

*prays for air-bushing*

Rebel Deb

Friday, January 22, 2010

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Cindy McCain

Even though she's a Republican magnate who once stole drugs from her own charity...

The Rebel Deb applauds Cindy McCain for coming out in favor of same-sex marriage for the NOH8 campaign, following in her daughter Meghan’s footsteps.

Publicity stunt or not, gay marriage is a very worthy cause, and I welcome her into the Rebel Deb fold. Or maybe I'm just afraid she'll absorb me into hers...

cindy mccain, borg queen, star trek
see more Celeb Look-A-Likes

Rebel Deb

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Another Blonde Joke!

As a blonde, I think I like these so much because they remind me not to take myself so seriously. :)

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50.

The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said, "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Devil Writes Pat Robertson a Letter

By Frank James

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.

Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.

I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing.
An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.


Friday, January 15, 2010

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O'Donnell believes that Jay Leno should step down from NBC and let Conan O'Brien carry on with The Tonight Show, saying:

"If you're privileged enough to drive the bus, you should say, 'Thank you' and drive it to the best of your ability, and when it's time for them to hire a new driver, you should say 'Thank you for allowing me to drive this as long as I did' and pass the keys to the new guy with red hair, and not try to flatten his tires before he even gets going."

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Blonde Joke to Brighten Your Thursday

"There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5."

Gotta Love Those Dirty Old Men...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Conan the Destroyer

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.



How to Make a Michael Cera Movie

CLICK ON the pic below to ENLARGE!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Another Post-Hump Day Joke

Another funny one from the Net...

An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

Rebel Deb

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A Great Dog Joke!

A dog joke from my friend and writer of the EXCELLENT web series,The Sanctum, Megan Wilson...

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.

All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.


Rebel Deb

Apartment-Hunting: It's Not for the Faint of Wallet

Besides diving into our new, kick-ass workout routine, the boyfriend and I have been apartment-hunting the past few weeks. We're currently in the East Village (Manhattan), and hope to stay here... but ya'll have no idea what New York apartments look like, or the lows residents of this island must stoop to in order to live here.

For example, our current STUDIO apartment costs $1820/month! Our new one (if we're approved) costs *only* $1520. For 375 feet of space! Can you believe that? In North Carolina, $1520/month would buy us a mega FAT mortgage for a three to five bedroom house. Here? It buys us a fifth-floor walkup with a toilet right next to the tiny cat-food tin of a tub.

Put simply, for what we pay in a year for this (our entire apartment)...

We could probably afford this...

Then again... the jobs pay WAY more up here than down in NC. And if you can actually find one in NC, you're lucky. So, we're stuck here in the Village for now. *sigh*


Rebel Deb

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Attack of the Body Snatcher!

Just so no one's confused... this is a repost from the Net:

"This is an explanation to those friends and family who have experienced mysterious switches of their body parts. This effect is especially noticeable in January.

You may have read of the scare story about the man whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban myth, my story is true - it occurs to me practically every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs.

The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next.

I know it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier.

Now, my rear end complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched.

One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.

This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to reap, unnoticed, something like maturity.

NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next? My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled.

That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement part, don't you?

The next time you suspect someone has had a face ' lifted' , look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs...and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS.

Yours alarmed,

Peggy E. Leg"

Friday, January 1, 2010

Lock Your Doors! The Old Lady May Be Comin' For YOU

Just so no one's confused... this is a repost from the Net:

"Do you know this person? She's moved in without me knowing and I believe she's here for life.

Please be careful. This person has found her way into my house and could also go to yours.

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was.

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a $5 bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.

Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, biscuits, and sweets. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realises this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobes when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organised.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things -- like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knobs and taps harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolises it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where you live."

The Rebel Deb's Resolution: Publish More Funny Stuff!

Just so no one's confused... this is a repost from the Net:

"Dear Lord,

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help. Amen."