This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Ellen!

We salute you, Ellen Degeneres, for braving your first few months as the new sailor on the sinking ship that is "American Idol." This season of AI has gone straight into the toilet. On the bright side, you're here to make us all smile through our Titanic-esque tears. In fact, as a hard-working, ground-breaking celeb Rebel Deb, I consider you to be the best thing to come aboard that show since, well... the last thing that left:



xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse: Forbes Magazine Becomes Just Another Victim of Culture *FAIL*

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Third Horseman of the Apocalypse: People Actually *Caring* About Vienna vs. Tenley

OMIGOD!! Can you believe he picked the skanky one?? *barf*

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Second Horseman of the Apocalypse: Facebook Quizzes that Consume Your Whole Day!

Why, Facebook? WHY must you enrapture me within your all-consuming clutches?? Must... escape... but just can't find the strength!

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The First Horseman of the Apocalypse: Jessica Simpson's New "Reality" Show, "The Price of Beauty"

"Dude... I'm so effing pretty... wanna get neck tattoos?" *barf*

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Jenny Sanford

Ya'll already know the story about Jenny and Mark Sanford... according to the 'NET:

"First South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was born. Later, he pretended to be hiking the Appalachian Trail when in fact schtupping the Argentinian woman. Then his wife wrote a disparaging book. Now their divorce proceedings will be on TV."

I know, I know... sounds like the usual Reality TV, fame-hogging crap. But I, for one, support Jenny Sanford in moving on from Mark's behavior. So she wants to write a book -- who wouldn't want such an opportunity to turn her personal tragedy into triumph? Jenny's still a celeb Rebel Deb based on her past work as a Wall Streeter (in the 80's, no less, when that particular Street was nearly female-free!) and her refusal to stand by her lyin', cheatin' man.

Check out Marie Claire's recent interview with the former SC Governor-ess and decide for yourself.

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

How I Feel Every Time I See Those 4AM "Girls Gone Wild" Commercials...

Five Things More Interesting to Watch than Tiger Woods' "Apology": #5 - Puppy Succubi from Hell! They're Comin' ta Getcha...

Five Things More Interesting Than Watching Tiger Woods' "Apology": #4 - Weirdo Vampire Obsessions

Five Things More Interesting to Watch than Tiger Woods' "Apology": #3 - The 'World's Fattest Cat' Contest. (I think we may have a winner...)

Five Things More Interesting to Watch than Tiger Woods' "Apology": #2 - R. Kelly's Tanking Career

Five Things More Interesting to Watch than Tiger Woods' "Apology": #1 - Lady Gaga's Butt

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Ivanka Trump

From a chipmunk-cheeked teen with a typical "I wanna be a SUPERMODEL, daddy!!" dream (haven't we all had this at one time? C'mon, admit it!)... to a (while admittedly still very chipmunk-cheeked) young lady with a degree from Wharton (wonder if her Daddy helped her with that one, too?) under her belt and a business-savvy mind... Ivanka Trump, like her brilliant mother before her, captures the essence of a well-rounded, go-getter Rebel Deb. And we salute her. :)

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The 1st Gold Medalist of the 3000 B.C. Olympics

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Mia Hamm

From Soccer-Rocker...



To Super-Mommy...


This U.S. Olympic soccer player went to UNC Chapel Hill and lead our nation's team to victory in THREE CONSECUTIVE Olympics. Once touted as "The Michael Jordan of Soccer," during the height of her career, Mia was considered one of the most talented women in sports... and the epitome of a Rebel Debutante. Today, she balances a quiet home life with a stellar career in sports promotion. Overall, she earns this Rebel Deb's utmost respect. Here's to you, Mia! You've shown us, once again, that women can succeed both within and without the home.

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Tool of the Month: John Mayer

Hey there, ladies. I'm John Mayer. I like to call certain ex-girlfriends of mine... *cough* Jessica Simpson *cough*... "a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me."

"Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f-----’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f--- you, I would start selling all my s--- just to keep f------ you.'"

Yeah, that's right, all you lusty ladies out there. I'm loud and I'm proud. But most of all, I'm a tool.

love,
JM

Howya Doin', Weekend? I Can Glimpse You in tha Distance!

American Psycho... The Musical?

That's right, folks. The story of an uptight, button-down, 1980's Wall Street-er so desperate to escape his repressed, workaholic, cocaine-infused lifestyle that he starts murdering all those around him... starting with co-workers, then friends, then an ex (haven't we all wanted to do this? Okay, maybe TMI...) and then finally round after round of hookers, until he finally confesses his misdeeds to a guy at an office party... who doesn't believe him. Why? Because one of the co-workers Michael Bateman (Christian Bale's character) has just confessed to killing is ALIVE and in the NEXT ROOM. How could this be, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you. It's because the author -- Bret Easton Ellis -- is a genius. And because IT NEVER HAPPENED. Bateman concocted the entire reality simply to escape his unhappy, greed-fueled existence. He never actually killed anybody... though he may have wanted to.

And now, dear Reb Debs, Michael is leaping down from the big screen to the stage. Not sure if I'll actually go see a wannabe psychopathic killer's rampage set to Sondheim, but I'm sure -- for those who do choose to partake -- it'll be a *killer* time. (Okay, corny, I know -- give me a break! What am I, a theatre reviewer?)

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

According to UrbanDictionary.com, I Have the Best Name *EVER*

I think that the following definition applies not only to me, but to all Rebel Debs in general... especially the parts in bold...

ANNA: The subject of the Arthur Alexander song as well as the remake by The Beatles.The best "Annas" come from the South. Anna is a unique name that can be spelled the same forwards & backwards; Anna - annA. See? The name is simple & elegant, which is a good description of females named Anna. Elegant & exciting. Simple & undefined. Traditional & radical.

- "Hi. What's your name?"
- "Anna"
- "Anna?!?!?!"
- "Yes... Anna."
- "Oh my goodness that is the most awesome name I've ever heard in my LIFE!"
- "Why thank you."
- "NO! Thank YOU! For allowing me to meet you, Anna!"

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Jax the Saints Fan

Check out how my dog, Jax, reacted to my exuberant "GO COLTS!" today...



Black Lab: 1
Rebel Deb: 0

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Why I Won't Go to Banfield Pet Hospital... and You Shouldn't, Either.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine took her dog to Banfield Pet Hospital at her local PetSmart. She dropped off her puppy, happy and playful, for a round of shots. A few hours later, when she came to pick him up, she noticed her puppy's eyes were bloodshot and strained, and that he looked shocked -- almost terrified -- when leaving the vet's office.

Alarmed, she took her dog to an emergency veterinarian, who told her that her beloved dog had been STRANGLED. Repeatedly. The vet even showed her the human fingernail marks, still embedded in her poor puppy's neck skin.

That's right, folks... Banfield STRANGLES dogs. And my friend is by no means the only person I've heard complain about these pet doctors of death. So, if you have a choice in the matter, BEWARE! Stay clear of PetSmart's Banfield Hospital, and all its affiliates! You (and your pet) will be glad you did.

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Best Valentine I've Ever Received!

An Author's Biggest Fear... in Pie-Chart Form

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Katie "Cougar" Couric

Normally, I'm not a big fan of Katie's... especially after her *uber* rude behavior towards Michael Moore during the premier of his healthcare documentary, "Sickos." After blasting him apart, Michael graciously (and without a touch of sarcasm) asked her to coffee with him to further discuss their opinions about the pros and cons of HMO's... and instead of smiling and either 1) taking the joke, or 2) politely refusing, she instead decided to say something along the lines of "um... yeah. No thanks!" followed by a smirk and a chuckle. Wtf, Katie? Where is your "journalistic integrity?" Get the whole story here.

Anywho...

Now good ole Katie's been labeled a "Cougar" (a term I find totally sexist -- I mean, hello? When Jack Nicholson, who's old enough to be my grandfather, dates a 25-year-old, people think he's "cool." But Katie and Demi do it, and they're suddenly comparable to carnivorous animals? Double-standard, much?). Needless to say, she's fighting her title. Check it out:

"I just find it stupid, you know?" the CBS Evening News anchor, 53, says in the March issue of Harper's Bazaar when asked about the label... and her 33-year-old boyfriend. "I think it also surmises that the older woman is always the pursuer. That's not necessarily true. I always say that maybe the older woman is the prey and someone else is the predator. It's just silly."

Right on, Katie-cakes. The Rebel Debs of the world salute and (until you pull some more unprofessional bullsh*t) embrace you!

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Why I Don't Design My Own Websites

Confession: I *Love* Mae West

Mary Jane (aka Mae) West was The Ultimate, early 20th-century BadAss. One of my (many) favorite quotes...



Apparently, she was born in Brooklyn, NY, into a family of Vaudevillians (and if you don't know what Vaudeville is... well, I have no words for you.) and prize-fighters. Pretty cool, huh?

She began her career as a child star in vaudeville, and later went on to write her own plays, including "SEX", for which she was arrested (for "corrupting the morals of youths").

According to the Net... "Though her first movie role was a small part in Night After Night (1932), her scene has become famous. A coat check girl exclaims, "Goodness! What lovely diamonds!", after seeing Mae's jewelry. Mae replies, 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'."

MEEEE-OOOOWW, Ms. West. You friggin' ROCK. I hope I'm still this cool, 30 years after I die.

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Apparently, Emily from "Metric" is My Doppleganger.

Or, so I've been told. I don't know if I see it... but I'll take the compliment, nonetheless :)

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Check-List of DOOM

I wish I was the guy who created this AWESOME comic... but I'm not. Click and read on anyway!

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Britney!

I don't know why. I think I just love the crazies. But hey -- remember back in 2001, when she was hot?



Yeah... good memories. *sigh*

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Say YES! (to Muscle Relaxers)

I threw out my back this morning. So, I've basically been lying around since 9:30am watching my favorite wedding shows (Bridezillas, Cake Boss, Say Yes to Dress... among others...), eating cheese sandwiches and working away on my laptop, as usual. i tried to get up around 4pm. It basically went a little like this:

SO, yeah. Enough said. Back to the couch I go, to snuggle up with my new best friends: Mr. Heating Pad 2010 Delux... and his sidekick, Diazepam.

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

Crouching Tiger, Flying Kitty!

Smokin' Hypnosis

My Momma's getting hypnotized next Friday by an "Anti-Smoking Specialist." It's taken me years to convince her, but this particular doctor comes very highly recommended. Apparently, he's helped three other people quit smoking. So, here's hoping it works!

*I've got literally everything on my body crossed that it does*

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Rebel Deb Photo Shoot, Part I

Yesterday was my first ever "celebrity" photo shoot for Marie Claire magazine, and I had a ball!

My photographer, Margo Silver, and her assistant, Nick Haney, made me feel so beautiful, comfortable and appreciated -- even shivering through 50-degree weather in a sheer, designer dress, or teetering around cobblestoned Old Salem village in 8-inch Fendi heels! They were so talented, so professional -- such a great overall team. As my Daddy would say, I was blown away... right out of my fur-lined underdrawers. :)

We shot all over the place -- Krankies Coffee, Old Salem, the sign out front of Salem Academy. We pretty much covered the entirety of my pre-teen years. Too bad it was freezing outside -- but Margo and Nick made the most of it. :)

Anyways, pics to come soon -- my full-length article ("DEBUTANTE DIET") and pics will hit stands on March 10th! Till then, here are some shots Margo took of Mary-Kate Olsen. Too bad I don't look nearly as pretty as most of Margo's celeb subjects... but no doubt she and Nick will work their magic in the editing suite, too. :)

*prays for air-bushing*




xoxo,
Rebel Deb

How to Spot a D-Bag... Part I

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Cindy McCain

Even though she's a Republican magnate who once stole drugs from her own charity...

The Rebel Deb applauds Cindy McCain for coming out in favor of same-sex marriage for the NOH8 campaign, following in her daughter Meghan’s footsteps.


Publicity stunt or not, gay marriage is a very worthy cause, and I welcome her into the Rebel Deb fold. Or maybe I'm just afraid she'll absorb me into hers...


see more Celeb Look-A-Likes

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Long-Awaited Season Finale!

RFLMAO: The 19th Century Version

Corretta and MLK Jr.: A Love Story

An All-New Meaning for the term "Crack 'Ho"

I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

Another Blonde Joke!

As a blonde, I think I like these so much because they remind me not to take myself so seriously. :)


A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50.



The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said, "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

The Devil Writes Pat Robertson a Letter

By Frank James

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.

Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.

I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing.
An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,
Satan

This Week's Celeb Rebel Deb: Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O'Donnell believes that Jay Leno should step down from NBC and let Conan O'Brien carry on with The Tonight Show, saying:

"If you're privileged enough to drive the bus, you should say, 'Thank you' and drive it to the best of your ability, and when it's time for them to hire a new driver, you should say 'Thank you for allowing me to drive this as long as I did' and pass the keys to the new guy with red hair, and not try to flatten his tires before he even gets going."

A Blonde Joke to Brighten Your Thursday

"There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5."

Gotta Love Those Dirty Old Men...