Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Crazies are Everywhere!

Two days ago, on my flight from New York back to North Carolina, I was sitting on the tarmac in seat 11F. For two whole hours. Minding my business, like any good frustrated frequent-flyer. Good thing I'd also packed an egg-salad sandwich and some organic green tea to ride me over. But as soon as I took them out and started to lunch...

There they were: The Crazy Couple in seats 11A and C.

Every five minutes, the Wife would pull out her cell phone and push speed dial. Inevitably, the same "I'm not here, can you please leave a message..." recording would come on. (I know this because they had the volume turned up so loud that EVERYONE could hear it.) Then, she would pass the phone to her Husband, who'd sing the same inaudible, random song into the phone -- full of nonsensical words from no language I'm familiar with. A few seconds later, he would hang up the phone.... only to start the whole process over again in another five minutes.

Were these two stalking somebody? Were they singing a lullaby to some newborn childchild? If so, it wasn't a song I'd ever heard -- and it didn't even have any kind of soothing rythym. It just sort of started and stopped with no ryhme or reason.

The next day was even crazier.

At about noon, I check my email to find some rambling, intense email from a girl (I'll call her "Big Nose"), whom I barely knew back in college.

Big Nose was once pretty famous around Phi Kappa Psi fraternity. Back then, she and I once dated the same guy (at different times), and I only knew her through all the jealous, nasty rumors she spread about me.

Long story short, about a year or so ago, I saw her picture on a mutual friend's Facebook page and befriended her, simply to be nice... to be the "bigger person," as it were.

She accepted my request, but I never contacted her. I just left it as my polite attempt to be civil to a former evil slut.

Sounds simple enough, right? After all, it's just Facebook. No need to freak out and get all crazy, right?


Apparently, a full year after I Facebook-friend her, Big Nose decides to go crazy and email me a two-page testimonial, describing how much she's now "let go of the past," and how she "doesn't care" about how we'd once dated the same guy (though, back then, she was so jealous that she started calling me "Shiksa Barbie").

Her email-tome went on and on about how "over the past" she was now... and how she remembered very little of college -- "only a few amusing stores," she said. Which, I'm sure, is true -- considering she was probably post-coital for most of it.

Also, given that the reason why my ex broke up with her (according to him) was because she slept with his entire fraternity... and given her supposed habit of making "sex pacts" with guys (like another college boyfriend of mine, whom she made promise to sleep with her before we all graduated. This never happened, but still... tre gross, no?)...

Considering all the things she's "forgotten" about college, I'm sure "amusing stories" are probably the least of Big Nose's worries.

And, of course, emailing me all her random, blathering feelings at 1:30 AM clearly demonstrates how "over" the past she now is.

What's going on? Why are all the crazies coming out lately? Is it just me, or is the economy turning up the crazy in normally sane (or maybe just slightly strange) folks?


Rebel Deb

No comments: