Slate.com Agrees with the Rebel Deb

The Trouble with Generation-Defining Trend Pieces
By J. Bryan Lowder | Posted Monday, Oct. 31, 2011


"When I saw Anna Fields' Daily Beast post, “Marriage, Red-State Style,” over the weekend, I was relieved. Finally, someone had articulated the amorphous discomfort that had been nagging at me since reading Kate Bolick’s controversial cover story in The Atlantic earlier this month: It just doesn’t hold up beyond New York City.

Bolick’s lengthy piece—for those who haven’t yet committed to a long-term relationship with its 20-printed pages—thoroughly explores the increasingly woolly terrain of modern courtship and marriage, noting, in truly fascinating detail, the emergence of various lifestyles beyond coupledom, ranging from committed singletons to cohabitating friends to single-sex compounds to polyamory and beyond. What isn’t so fascinating, though, is the writer’s generalization that, because women are now more openly exploring new options and men are supposedly on the decline, an entire generation or two under 40 doesn’t want to get married anymore.

As Fields points out, this is simply not true in much of the country, especially in our shared homeland down South. I have watched—generally with a mix of disapproval and concern, on a few rare occasions with approbation—as, one-by-one, my high school girlfriends jumped into marriages at the super-mature ages of 22, 23, and so on. Women who had seemed so driven and talented, so capable of achieving things beyond a comfortable small-town, nuclear family existence, are settling into and, in my not-so-humble opinion, for, just that. I frequently worry about many of them, hoping that my admittedly judgmental and unsolicited predictions about their choices will prove wrong. I also feel for those who haven’t yet succumbed to the pressure of family members who nag and question to the point of tears and self-doubt about marriage prospects before their daughters have even finished college.

Fields has it right: Marriage is definitely still alive in the South, if not in all cases well.

Of course, reading Field’s piece, you’ll notice that she participates in the same reductive reasoning and anecdotal extrapolation that she’s criticizing (for that matter, so am I). The truth is, we could all have been spared a lot of trouble and embarrassing logical fallacy had Bolick avoided making such a grand and necessarily controvertible claim in the first place. That kind of proposition demands that the reader either agrees and praises or, like Fields and myself, disagrees and balks; worse, it distracts from all of the fantastic reportage and storytelling that the rest of the article contains. When I can practically smell the insular Park Slope dinner party where the whole thing was cooked up (“My goodness girls, isn’t it funny how we’re all middle-aged and single and still fabulous?”), I have a hard time trusting the genuinely revelatory stuff.

Bolick isn’t the only offender. Noreen Malone (formerly of Slate) recently had a poignant piece in New York Magazine that describes the terrifying problems facing our “Millennial” age group, including wealth disparity, overwhelming student loan burdens and generally dimmer prospects for a prosperous future. All very worthy stuff, but unfortunately, Malone chose to go with the personal experience-based, generation-defining frame: According to her, we’ve basically given up on the relatively comfortable life we were falsely promised by our “everyone gets a trophy” upbringing and have instead found solace by pickling things in a Bushwick loft. I suspect, however, that most of us, including many of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, actually just want a decent-paying job. Or maybe I’m wrong, too.

Can we just agree it’s time to have done with these “My Generation is this Way” trend pieces altogether?"

CLICK HERE for more of J. Bryan Lowder's work

Check Out My Front-Page Piece in Today's "The Daily Beast!"

Marriage, Red-State Style
by Anna Fields
Oct 29, 2011

The Atlantic says women are hitting 40 and opting not to wed. Not so, says writer Anna Fields, a single lady from the South, where, she says, the race to the altar begins at 20.

There’s yet another manifesto about unmarried women on newsstands this month. This time it’s a splashy 13-page cover story in The Atlantic called “All the Single Ladies.” The story is about how smart, successful women are approaching age 40 and deciding not to marry—especially if the man earns less money than the woman.













“American women as a whole have never been confronted with such a radically shrinking pool of what are traditionally considered to be ‘marriageable’ men—those who are better educated and earn more than they do,” says writer Kate Bolick, who is single and 39. She blames the lousy economy, which has been harder on men than on women. Because men are falling behind in their pay while women are powering ahead, she concludes, many women are opting out of the whole marriage thing altogether.

Well, I'm here to tell you, this may very well be the case in New York and Los Angeles, the land of the alpha woman. But here’s a dispatch from America—the real world, the red states—where marriage is not so much an option as a goal that’s hammered into women’s heads since birth. It doesn’t matter how successful you are in your career—or how unsuccessful your man is. If you’re not married, you’re a loser.

I grew up in North Carolina, where I live today. For me, the "get married" drumbeat began when I was a teen. “Watch your figure, because you’ll never catch a husband with a big fanny!” my grandmother advised me. Words of wisdom such as these continued through my high-school years and on into college. When I graduated from Brown University with a degree in cognitive neuroscience, it was time to get serious. That meant catching a man. Never mind my plans to get a master’s degree at NYU. When I went home to visit, the question on everyone’s lips was “When are you getting married?”

My high-school friends had their priorities straight: they knew not to become an “old maid” or an “old mom.” They were recent college grads too, but they were busy racing to the altar. Since sex before marriage is still frowned upon in many corners of the South, there's added incentive: get married so you don’t have to live in sin. After all, this is the land of the “purity balls,” in which women as old as 25 attend a formal dance as their dad's date and promise him to stay “pure” until marriage.

Kelly Clarkson knows what I’m talking about. Last week on The View she said, “I’m from a small town, so everyone’s married with children or about to have children. It’s a little hard when you go home and people are like—and that’s why people think I’m gay—because they’re like, ‘Why aren’t you married?’” The Texas native and globe-trotting rock star said she feels like an “old maid.”

No wonder. She's 29—past her prime. The average age of marriage for women in America is 26.5, according to the Census Bureau. For men, it's 28.4. Better get busy, Kelly!

“Birthin’ babies is where it’s at,” my uncle informed my boyfriend when the two first met. My uncle uttered these words while patting my belly. It happened to be my second date with the guy. Luckily, he was from the South, too, and wasn’t in the least bit alarmed. He and I have been seeing each other for four years now, which makes me, at age 30, an unmarried old maid myself. My parents like to encourage my boyfriend to “be a man” and pop the question. When I ran into a high-school teacher recently, she suggested he and I go down to City Hall to “do the right thing.” We continue living in sin.

At least we know we're not the only ones under the gun. Our friends Brandon and Sarah dated for six months before both their parents decided enough was enough. Her mother told her, “You had better catch a keeper before you get too old to get caught!” His mother said the same. Again and again. Brandon and Sarah just celebrated their second wedding anniversary.

It’s important to note that it’s not just the women who are pressured to wed in the South—it’s the men too. Some guys marry women they can’t stand, simply because that’s easier than listening to their parents carry on. Don’t believe me? My boyfriend took a male friend out recently to celebrate the guy’s engagement to his high-school sweetheart. Three beers in, the guy said, “I’m so not even attracted to her anymore.” Here comes the bride!

I'm just saying, the editors of The Atlantic, along with Ms. Bolick (who lives in both New York and L.A., according to her bio), might want to pay a visit to America. Women aren’t waiting around till they're 40 out here, deciding they’ll forgo marriage because the guy is not some moneyed power broker.

I’m not saying this is the way it should be. But it is the way it is.

At least my parents are beginning to accept my own state of nonmarriage. They have moved on to more important matters. As my mother announced one recent morning at breakfast, “Oh, would you just go get pregnant?”

Anna Fields is a North Carolina–based public speaker and author of the memoir Confessions of a Rebel Debutante. Her second book, Chasing Meridian, will hit shelves soon.

For inquiries, please contact The Daily Beast at editorial@thedailybeast.com or CLICK HERE to see the article online.

Win a FREE Copy of "CRD" at TheDiviningWand.com!

Click here to be routed directly to The Divining Wand and enter for a chance to win a free copy of yours truly's book! Or just keep reading for deets... :)

February 28, 2011
By: larramiefg

Successful playwright, television writer, and comedienne, Anna Fields dishes out a Southern-fried memoir about growing up too smart and rebellious for her North Carolina small town in Confessions of a Rebel Debutante.

During childhood the author claimed the “tomboy” label, only then to describe her adolescent self as being “outspoken” and “bookish” rebelling against the strict rules at her private all-girls finishing school. Anna tried to be a proper Deb, even making it through the first Cotillion. Yet, when viewed as too “liberal” and “uppity,” she didn’t make the cut for the ultimate Debutante Ball.

That’s the backstory and this is the synopsis of Confessions of a Rebel Debutante:

A strict regimen of Southern-belle grooming should have prepared Anna Fields for a lifetime of ladylike behavior.

But it didn’t.

As it turned out, Anna—a smart, outspoken, bookish girl—was a dud at debbing. After being kicked out of cotillion classes, the “Rebel Deb” left North Carolina to seek her fortune. Her first stop was Brown University —right in the heart of Yankee-land—and then the crazy world of Hollywood talent agencies and celebrity-packed restaurants. After a disastrous stint as Diana Ross’s personal assistant, Anna headed off to the Big Apple, where she worked for one of Bravo’s Real Housewives. It’s a rollicking, unlikely success story from a natural-born storyteller.

Sharp, sweet, and sassy, Confessions of a Rebel Debutante proves you can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the girl!

Please take a look at the glowing Press.

The South is known for its storytellers and Anna Fields is another talented one as she writes her “rags-to-riches,” almost Cinderella-like story. Of course there isn’t a wicked step-mother or even step-sisters in this tale, but all of Anna’s quirky relatives are much more entertaining and — more importantly — they’re real!

Written in a chronological format, this memoir has a distinct stream-of-conscious feel as the rebel deb’s voice delights with humorous details or becomes serious in relating past problems. For this book applies to every girl — living below or above the Mason-Dixon line — who didn’t quite fit in and was proud of it.

As Anna shares her sweet, bittersweet, and deeply poignant tales, she often refers to her role model of Scarlett O’Hara and frequently asks herself, “what would Scarlett do?” The answer is usually anything that will maintain the rebel deb’s strong confidence in herself. Because, when interviewed by BUST Magazine in May 2010, the author defined a rebel debutante as:

“She’s a woman who will bake a cake, clean a rifle, and drive a stick shift with a smile. She’s a mix of masculine and feminine, strong and soft—like all real women.”

However one strong tenet, revealed in the memoir, is that a rebel deb will not be content to simply stay home and birth babies. Oh no, she’s first destined to be true to herself. And where does that energy and determination come from? Within that same BUST Magazine article, Anna admits:

“I keep my eye on the ball. I stop worrying about what bad things can happen and start taking risks. I consider these to be investments in myself and in my happiness, instead of in fear. I stop competing with others, wondering what others are thinking about me, or what they’re doing. My self-love, my self-confidence, does not depend on others—it comes from God, and it lives within me. With that in mind, I know that I can overcome anything.”

Indeed she can and does, proving herself time after time by coming out on top. And, for the most part, the author accomplishes it all with her polite southern charm intact. For as the book’s description explains:

You can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the girl!

With her homespun tales and smart, experienced wisdom, Anna Fields’ story, though rooted in North Carolina, can resonate with any reader, anywhere. Every region of our country has its own distinct identity passed down by generations of ethnic family traditions. Unique, eccentric, and larger-than-life lovable relatives can be found at almost any holiday gathering. Embarrassing secrets are shared and scorned as younger generations seek to rebel against their past if only to say they can succeed on their own.

Confessions of a Rebel Debutante takes readers on the author’s journey, while nudging out our own personal, growing-up memories along the way. So travel down south with Anna who never took that final deb curtsy but realized that “You can’t bend the rules without learning them first.”

The Diving Wand's Interview with the Rebel Deb!

The Revealing of Anna Fields
February 16, 2011
By: larramiefg

According to Anna Fields’ momma: “Every one of us starts off a debutante, then becomes a rebel, but when we finally grow into our own…we’re a little bit of both.” And this is what the author proves in her debut memoir, Confessions of a Rebel Debutante recently released in Trade paperback.

Here is a one sentence description: A fond, funny Southern-fried memoir about growing up a proper young lady…or not.

And the following praise:

“…Fields takes what should be an oxymoronic state of mind and makes it work for her like some crazy hybrid confection: soft on the outside, hard in the center…. Fields shows how a rebellious southern belle can survive almost anywhere.” – Carol Haggas Booklist

“…all about empowering the hearts and minds and spirits of young women…” – Jennifer Brett The Atlanta Journal-Constitution


“…This is by far the best memoir I have ever read. Anna is my kind of chick! This hilariously true tale is better than any reality TV show. I think that this is the type of book that would interest any reader. Four stars!” – Bridget McNeill Barnes & Noble

The Divining Wand has scheduled a presentation/review of Confessions of a Rebel Debutante: A Memoir for Monday, February 28, 2011 but, for now, let’s meet the author through her “official” bio:

Anna Fields was born in Burlington, North Carolina, and attended Brown University. A former scriptwriter for As the World Turns, Guiding Light, and One Life to Live, she is also a successful playwright, screenwriter, and performance artist. Anna lives in New York City.

Now for even more revealing confessions from the “Rebel Deb:”

Q: How would you describe your life in 8 words?
A: From debutante to rebel and back, my dear.

Q: What is your motto or maxim
A: Eat well, sleep well, dream well, play hard and get along.

Q: How would you describe perfect happiness?
A: I’m religious, so I tend to think of happiness as closeness with God. The lack of want. Looking inward for happiness instead of outward for ambition. Being kind, for we are all fighting our own, silent battles. Practicing forgiveness in all its forms. Letting go of the past — something I never seem to be able to do, but I know leads to happiness, if not perfection.

Q: What’s your greatest fear?
A: Not realizing my potential. Running out of time before I write the eight or nine books that are stuck inside my head. Dying without letting my family and friends know how much I love, need and yet hate them at the same time — a three-part emotion that I often explore in my work.

Q: If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?
A: Right where I am.

Q: With whom in history do you most identify?
A: Eleanor of Aquitaine

Q: Which living person do you most admire?
A: My mother… and possibly either Erica John or Anne Rice

Q: What are your most overused words or phrases?
A: “Right?”
“like”
“indeed”

Q: If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?
A: To write children’s stories. I have so many ideas for them, and yet whenever I try to write for younger people I end up writing for older people.

Q: What is your greatest achievement?
A: Surviving.

Q: What’s your greatest flaw?
A: Taking life too seriously — and sweating the small stuff, which I believe no one should ever do.

Q: What’s your best quality?
A: Generosity — I want to adopt every animal I see, and help everyone who needs it. I end up being a guidance counselor to almost everyone I know.

Q: What do you regret most?
A: Putting my career over my friendships, back in my early twenties. Then again, where would I be today without my writing?

Q: If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A: I’m pretty happy being myself, but it might be nice to go back and be myself at 17 again. If not that, I’d love to be a man, just for a week or two. Just to see what it felt like on the other side of the glass ceiling.

Q: What trait is most noticeable about you?
A: My extremely blond hair and pale skin.

Q: Who is your favorite fictional hero?
A: Tough question! In the literary world, probably Lestat or Lady Chatterly… but mostly, my favorite fictional heroes come from television shows I adore. Dexter, anyone from Absolutely Fabulous or Six Feet Under. And Joan from Mad Men, for sure.

Q: Who is your favorite fictional villain?
A: Probably Richard III — then again, he was a real person… but Shakespeare makes him sound so much worse that I imagine he really was.

Q: If you could meet any athlete, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?
A: “Hi, Michael Vick. Or do you prefer, ‘Heartless, arrogant, self-righteous animal-hater?’”

Q: What is your biggest pet peeve?
A: Entitlement. Enough said.

Q: What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?
A Running, drinking coffee or playing with my boyfriend and our dog, Jax.

Q: What’s your fantasy profession?
A: Hmmm. I’m pretty sure I’m living it.

Q: What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?
A: Generosity, kindness and loyalty.

Q: If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?
A: Chocolate!

Q: What are your 5 favorite songs?
A: Anything from Mozart’s “Requiem for the Dead’
“All I Want is You” by U2
“Pictures of You” by The Cure
“Heart and Soul” by some 80’s band I loved in high school but now can’t remember its name
“Norwegian Wood” by The Beatles

Q: What are your 5 favorite books of all time?
A: “The Queen of the Damned”
“Confessions of a Shopaholic”
“The Vampire Lestat”
“Silas Marner”
“The Great Gatsby”

Multi-talented, honest, and most thought-provoking, Anna Fields — as a Rebel Deb — will entertain and enlighten if you follow her on Twitter, become a friend on Facebook and visit her blog, Rebel Debutante.

Yay for Tuscon :)

Hey, ya'll! Just got another review in from Tuscon, AZ:

Read the whole article here... or just keep scrolling down for the juicy bits. :)

Confessions of a Rebel Debutante: A Memoir by Anna Fields

I haven’t found much amusing about debutants since the days of Brenda Frazier. (Brenda who? Google it.)
Anna Fields is as Southern as corn bread and grits and probably would have made a terrific debutante if she hadn’t been such a rebel. She grew up in North Carolina but was more at home hanging upside down from a dogwood tree than learning to curtsy and the finer points of Southern high society.
While trying to learn the basics by wearing talcum powder in her hair to “keep the curl,” wearing kid gloves, and dancing with middle school boys in their big brothers’ tuxes, she realized quite quickly that becoming a deb simply wasn’t in her DNA. After rebelling at her private all-girls finishing school, she enrolled at Brown University which was followed by a disastrous short-lived acting career in L.A.
This is a laugh-out-loud memoir that is as comforting and refreshing as a frosty glass of sweet tea — the table wine of the South — consumed on a shady porch during a hot summer day.

It's About that Time, Folks!

Hey, ya'll. :)

Sorry to have been so MIA lately, but I've been getting ready for the paperback release of "Confessions of a Rebel Debutante!"

Fresh new purdy pb's will hit stores on February 1, 2011. In the meantime, my friend "Girl from the Ghetto" is giving away two free copies on her blog. Check out her site to enter or keep reading a bit of what she has to say...


Confessions of a Rebel Debutante Book Giveaway

I’m thrilled to announce that I have 2 copies of Confessions of a Rebel Debutante by Anna Fields to giveaway!

Anna Fields, you had me at "You can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the girl!" I love nothing more than reading a story set in the south, or devouring a good memoir. Anna deliciously describes her childhood and what life was like going through (and eventually getting kicked out of) cotillion was like, beginning at age eleven, all the while making fun of everything about debbing including herself down to her big butt. After seeing her photo on the back of my book, I had a hard time believing she was ever fat, because she reminds me a little bit of Reese Witherspoon. But she forces me to believe it with tales of being a tall girl who wore glasses and had bad skin and a white girl ‘fro after reading her hilarious cheerleading tryout story to the tune of Too Legit to Quit.

Who would have thought a Winston-Salem girl could escape society by getting an Ivy League education, move to New York and LA and work for major celebrities such as Diana Ross and Jill Zarin, let alone act alongside the best of young hollywood in a major motion picture called Mona Lisa Smile, and eventually become a successful playwright, standup comedian and writer for As the World Turns? I can, after reading this book. I cracked up when Ms. Fields starts her memoir off with this line – I’ve only got one good story: How I became a Rebel Debutante. She’s got more than a hundred good stories in this book alone and I can not begin to cover most of them.

As much as I enjoyed hearing what life was like behind the scenes of debbing, I found the heart of Anna’s story in her own personal story, and not the story of the other rich and often drunk debutantes. Things really get rolling in the book when she began writing about her life at boarding school, the prestigious Wellington Academy run by a woman named Miss Freeze. Anna never fit in to begin with, but once she became best friends with her wild roommate Alma who was a fan of public ladyscaping, known as the campus queer for her unladylike and non-deb ways, and who told outrageous tall tales that even involved the Playboy Mansion, well, fun and adventures began that were even better than attending cotillion-related events. Alma, needless to say, was a bad influence on a Anna to begin with, but the two of them together had them both on some crazy adventures. They got caught drinking at a college fraternity party, and once stumbled across a girl from school who had just been raped, but they still were the ones who got in trouble because they were caught vacationing on the wrong side of town in Myrtle Beach, let alone their biggest adventure that included a tragedy I’ll let you discover on your own.

Who would have thought a Winston-Salem girl could escape society by getting an Ivy League education, move to New York and LA and work for major celebrities such as Diana Ross and Jill Zarin, let alone act alongside the best of young hollywood in a major motion picture called Mona Lisa Smile, and eventually become a successful playwright, standup comedian and writer for As the World Turns? I can, after reading this book. I cracked up when Ms. Fields starts her memoir off with this line – I’ve only got one good story: How I became a Rebel Debutante. She’s got more than a hundred good stories in this book alone and I can not begin to cover most of them.

You would be absolutely bonkers not to read this book, because not only would you not get to learn all about her very interesting and entertaining life, but you would miss out reading all of the celebrity dirt she has collected through the years. My god, the things she has written in this book and didn’t even hint at on the cover or in the press! An unnamed female Grey’s Anatomy star telling her they loved anal and want to make out with her, her interview with Dr. Ruth that had the famous sex counselor personally offended, and her time spent working a private waiting gig at Calabasas home for three sisters (who, to me, had to have been Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian) which ended in a FBI drug bust.

Visit Indiebound to purchase a copy of Confessions of a Rebel Debutante for yourself.

Contest ends Saturday, February 5, 2011 at midnight. Good luck to you all!

"Confessions of a Rebel Debutante," Now Available FOR PRE-ORDER in PAPERBACK!

Author! Author! Arkansas Literary Festival Cocktail Reception

Hey Ya'll... Check out the pictures of the Rebel Deb's latest venture into Little Rock, Arkansas! I'm pictured here with fellow authors Georgia Anne Butler and Norb Vonnegut at this year's Arkansas Literary Festival. :)

Author! Author! Arkansas Literary Festival Cocktail Reception

xoxo,

Rebel Deb

The Rebel Deb Gets Some SKIRT! (Magazine) :)

Anna Fields – Rebel Debutante

By sLogan, Thursday, July 1, 2010

Stephanie King

Magnify

I’m a Feminist because…

“…I’m asked "Why do we need Feminism anymore?" by women so comfortable in their present that they forget our past. Because my great-grandmother couldn’t vote. Because my grandmother couldn’t get a legal abortion. Because watching Entourage makes me want to stop writing for television. But most of all, because I’m a Rebel Debutante.”

Anna is a television writer, author, and former personal assistant to Diana Ross and “Real Housewife of New York,” Jill Zarin. Her first book, Confessions of a Rebel Debutante is available now. rebeldebutante.com

Confessions of a Rebel Deb - the paperback edition - Coming SOON!

Check out the new cover, ya'll! It'll hit stores next February, 2011 -- just in time for Valentine's Day!

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Rebel Deb Gets BUSTed!

Check out Alyssa Pinsker's latest review of my book!

xoxo,
Rebel Deb

The Real Rebel Deb... in Her Natural Habitat

many thanks to my photographer, Stephanie King!
www.slkphoto.com

The Rebel Deb Photo Shoot, Part I

Yesterday was my first ever "celebrity" photo shoot for Marie Claire magazine, and I had a ball!

My photographer, Margo Silver, and her assistant, Nick Haney, made me feel so beautiful, comfortable and appreciated -- even shivering through 50-degree weather in a sheer, designer dress, or teetering around cobblestoned Old Salem village in 8-inch Fendi heels! They were so talented, so professional -- such a great overall team. As my Daddy would say, I was blown away... right out of my fur-lined underdrawers. :)

We shot all over the place -- Krankies Coffee, Old Salem, the sign out front of Salem Academy. We pretty much covered the entirety of my pre-teen years. Too bad it was freezing outside -- but Margo and Nick made the most of it. :)

Anyways, pics to come soon -- my full-length article ("DEBUTANTE DIET") and pics will hit stands on March 10th! Till then, here are some shots Margo took of Mary-Kate Olsen. Too bad I don't look nearly as pretty as most of Margo's celeb subjects... but no doubt she and Nick will work their magic in the editing suite, too. :)

*prays for air-bushing*




xoxo,
Rebel Deb