Never let your comfort foods talk back. Slap that betch!

Growing up, my mama served us cake for breakfast on our birthdays. German chocolate, carrot cake, white cake with chocolate fudge icing. Whatever our little hearts desired.

Instead of a healthy, wholesome breakfast, we got to eat cake in bed. For her, that was the equivalent of keying the car of her most hated teacher or something. And hey, housewives need to get their thrills too.

So I let her have that (sugar) rush. Of course, she tempered all that white flour and real butter with a glassful of milk and our morning Flinstones multi-vitamin.

That's right. It's like using a condom AND birth control pills for your one-night stand. Fun, frothy, and only happens once a year- I'm talking about eating cake for breakfast on your birthday, betches- but might as well swallow the Flinstones with it!


xo,

Rebel Deb

Dating 101: Six Ways to Make It Easier for You to Dump Someone

I recently had the following conversation with a friend:

"Every time I break up with my boyfriend, he freaks out. He showed up outside my apartment last time."

"Well sounds like you just have to break up and get it over with."

"Yeah, but it's not a good situation every time I do it."

I stopped and thought for a second. "Not a good situation?" Isn't that kind of obvious? How can anyone expect a breakup to be a good situation at all?


Breaking up can be a necessary evil in your dating life. But there are easier ways to do the whole process.

The first step is to adjust your mentality and recognize the situation:

1- You are not ruining someone's life; they will get over you some day.
2- If you don't break up quickly and honestly, it's unfair to you and the other person.
3- If you are even thinking about breaking up with someone, it's probably time to do it. Would you want to be with someone who was having second thoughts while you were madly in love with them?
4- It's going to be ugly and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

What's the best way to break up?

There is probably no best way. But there are a number of tactics that can help make it easier for both parties (even though both parties may not recognize it at the time).

Here are some good tactics to use for a "clean" break:

1. Make It Fast

The longer you take to get to the point (whether it's hours or days), the less they will take you seriously. And if you make it look like you're having a hard time going through with the breakup, they will think they can change your feelings or stick around in your life.

2. Be Honest

Don't sugarcoat the situation. If you're seeing someone else, tell them you're seeing someone else. My little sister broke up with a live-in boyfriend because she kissed another guy during a business trip. She told her boyfriend the deal -- it made it more concrete.
Avoid cliche's like "I love you, I'm just not in love with you." Guys don't understand this stuff. If you've lost feelings for them, just say it. They can't argue with that.
And avoid covering up -- "I just can't be in a relationship right now." Sure you can -- if you were still really into him, you'd be in a relationship with him.

Honesty will protect you in the long run, because the truth comes out eventually.

3. Don't Feel Sorry for Anyone

People will beg, cry, get angry, or shower you with guilt. Just keep going, try to ward off your guilt. It's just going to slow you down and prevent you from getting to your objective.

And never take someone back, or cancel breaking up because you feel sorry for them. Do you really want to stay with someone you feel sorry for?

4. Set Post-Breakup Rules

Let them know the deal: you won't be answering their calls or emails. You won't be accommodating them if they show up at your apartment. Eventually, if they have any personality and independence, they will stop bothering you -- but only if you stick to these rules.


If you lay these rules out at the time of breakup, then they can't say: "why are you ignoring my calls?" Don't tell them what they are allowed to do -- they can call you all they want, but if you have stated you won't be answering their calls then you are well within your rights when you don't pick up.

5. Stick With It

The more you take them back, the less seriously they'll take your breakup attempts.

6. Neutral Site

Never do it at your place. You want to be able to leave on your own time. Neutral places are the easiest locations to make a quick getaway. The longer you've been together, the more likely it is that you'll be required to do it in person.
Breaking up takes strength.

I have found that people who can't break up with someone they are no longer into are somewhat weak. Do what you want to do, and don't get swayed by the situation or the other person.


xo,
Rebel Deb

Dating 101: Seven Warning Signs of a Troubled Relationship

When is it time to say, "My relationship is in trouble, and we need help?" How do you know when that time is?

When couples wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.

The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point we don't even want change... we just want to be done.

The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:

1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.

2. You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care, and
understanding.

3. You can't remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.

4. There is little or no intimacy in your relationship -- sleeping in different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.

5. Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important than your partner.

6. Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner doesn't love you because she/he didn't like the meal you cooked).

7. Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.

If any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your relationship is in trouble and it won't be long before something more drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time, and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.

Before your relationship reaches that critical crisis point, look at the warning signs and do something before it's too late:

1. Seek psychotherapy

2. Read books

3. Talk to a spiritual/religious advisor

Without help, the relationship will never get better with time; once a certain level of resentment, anger, and hostility hits, it will simply get worse and worse. Avoiding a total crisis and saving the relationship is done by knowing when you're in trouble and taking immediate action.


xo,

Rebel Deb

Gifting Your Guy: A Rebel Deb’s Guide to Boyfriend-Shopping.

Every Christmas, one of my girlfriend’s inevitably has a new boyfriend.

And every Christmas, she asks the same question: What’s the “right” kind of gift for my new guy?

…Well, that all depends, ladies. First, there’s his style, his attitude, his likes and dislikes…but most importantly…

How long you two have been together.

To make this simple, here’s a timeline for gift-giving your beau (new or old) during this holiday season:

1 – 6 months:

You’re still in that honeymoon stage, so keep it fun, light and most of all – SEXY. Maybe a new cologne, if he’s into tasty smells. Or a new copy of his favorite movie or album to show you’ve done your girlfriend homework. You get extra credit for the personal touches: Gifts for his prized pup, bird, cat, car, etc.




7 months – 1 year:

Okay, so you’re moving into comfy, cozy land… and maybe considering moving in together, too. You’re getting more serious, and so should your gift-giving. It’s time for a bit more investment, both thought and pocketbook-wise. What catches his eye in a store window? What does he whine about when he thinks you’re not listening? What does he keep saying he’s “saving” for, yet never seems to splurge on? Whatever it is, it’s time. To splurge, that is. Especially when you two hit that one-year mark, if you’re ready to make it a year and a day, then get ready to fork over the cash for that new watch or X-Box 360 or whatever it is that symbolizes – to both of you – that you’re in it for year two…

Which brings us to the biggie:


1 year +:

As my Mr. Man once said, “A year is so special because it means you’re in the market for many more.”



















And that, ladies, means your gift needs to mature along with your relationship. At this point, it’s less of a “splurge” and more of an investment in the two of you. So, buying something like that new lay-z-boy he’s been eyeing or a 42” 1080p flatscreen isn’t out of the question. In fact, showing how much you care might even prompt him to pop another one, if you know what I mean…=]























Xo,
Rebel Deb